Nobody needs to get married, not anymore…. so why then in this day and age…Why DO we get married or want to get married? Because we are socially conditioned? is it in our DNA to do so? Because that’s just what you do when you grow up whether you are in love or not? Because you want kids and it’s the ‘right’ thing to do for the kids?
I never wanted kids..love being around them but I never did have that female pang or maternal instinct of ‘when I grow up I want to get married and have kids’. I knew that ever since I was a little girl the age of 5yrs. Ironically enough, at that age I also made my grandmother read Cinderella to me every single night before bed and well…. I have learned since then that there is such thing called a Cinderella complex/syndrome.
How did That happen? It was just a harmless fairytale, right? Note to parents: Please DO NOT read this fairytale to your little girl! Even if they insist upon it. Instead,have them watch Ever After with Drew Barrymore and Anjelica Huston.
I wish THIS story existed when i was 5yrs.
Click the following link for an in-depth summary of a Feminist Fairy tale for Today’s Kids
In my 20’s I found myself excited,hopeful and anxious when the idea of getting married bonked me over the head all because a boy I was madly in love with proposed to me.
Once upon a time,i was a go-go dancer and one particular night I decided to paint my face white, wear a white pvc one piece pantsuit and top it all off with a short silver tinsel wig. I was THE Atypical go-go dancer at a once very popular nightclub,The Phoenix Concert Theatre that rose out of the ashes of The Diamond.This particular night my go-go dancer mates questioned my choice of costume. I thought it strange them questioning me as they had never been concerned with my theatrical choices before. In fact, truth be told, it irked me giving me all the more reason to go all out outrageous with my outfit.
Little did I know, they knew, i was in for a surprise from a guy I was dating for the past year. During my half hour set, the incomparable,edgy,ageless,sexy,fearless Martin Streek (RIP) who was Live to Air hosting that night stopped the music and had everyone on the dance floor give their attention to the catwalk. Then out of nowhere, the guy I was dating for just over a year came on to the catwalk high above the crowd, got on his knee, presented a ring and proposed to me.The crowd below went nuts!!.and I was freaking out…in a good way. It was like a scene right out the movie Sweet Charity with Shirley McLaine.
This was a happy day, a surreal moment and of course I said YES! The crowd went nuts cheering and cheering,my go-go mates crowded around while the cork of the Dom Perignon popped and flowed like we were all part of a Las Vegas show number.
WOW! so this IS how Life and Love is supposed to happen!
One year later almost to the day, we were unengaged. “I’m not in love with you anymore”,he said to me. My head was confused,my heart too and it ached and burned like my heart had never been hurt before.And there were A LOT (OMG! he’s the one! ones) I was a mess. For 6 months I hibernated in depression because my what was unknown to myself then but now know now in hindsight ..my Cinderella Complex, my Cinderella bubble had popped. Many moons later,as I write this, I am very grateful for that rude awakening.
Did I mention this was the second time!! i was proposed to in public? OY!
4 years before, I was proposed to by a fellow go-go dancer on New Year’s Eve way up high above the dancing crowd on a 20 foot high scaffold contraption at RPM where Chris Sheppard was the DJ du jour. Of course I said YES! How could I not?! The celebrations,the flashing nightclub lights,the bubbly flowing,the loud pumping dance music of the 90’s,and most importantly the promise of a New Year and a new life awaited.Shortly thereafter, the first love of my life went away to work on a cruise ship for 6 months as a dancer/performer. During that time I felt lonely,even insecure wondering if he would meet someone on board,fall in love and not come back to me.I tried to keep the home fires burning but I had met someone whom we started off innocently enough as friends going for late night coffee chats that became a full on love affair.I ended up writing a Dear John letter to the boy on the cruise ship because I thought it the right thing to do.Remember, there wasn’t internet back then to keep us connected (for better or for worse) like there is today and it was easier to express myself in writing than over the phone. I eventually broke up with that other boy too.I’m sure I’m not the only one who had a fickle heart in my 20’s.
It’s a gift to be able to grow older with mind,body and soul pretty much unscathed,to be able to look back,love,learn,let go. and forgive.others as well as your own Self.
I think people who get married young are doomed for matrimonial failure.It really isn’t until our late 30’s-early 40’s that we begin to know who we are,what we like,what we don’t like,what we stand for and what we won’t stand for.
At that time in our 20’s, we were all emotionally immature adults with arrested development. We were in love with the idea of being in love while living a rock’n’roll life.We were hungry to live,learn,experience everything and everyone.Don’t get me wrong here.I have no regrets.Those were some unforgettable times stamping and sealing forever upon my psyche memories that will always bring a smile as I go forth now with heart healed while hand in hand I walk barefoot with my partner who gifts me with experiences rather than stuff and who will buy me sneakers instead of Manolo Blahnik’s. A partner whom also has done his own heart homework.
So….. 2 times this Cinderella was proposed to in public. It’s said ‘3rd time is a charm’ but there will be no 3rd time for me.
Now that I’m older and hopefully wiser:) I understand that the proposal moment should be of a private and personal nature. But then again,getting ‘married’ is not on my ‘to-do’ list anytime soon, if at all.
Although,it might be something fun to do when we’re in our 60’s or 70’s and we’ve done everything else there is to do….well except die,of course;0
Hell, I may even be the one to do the proposing;)
….and then Ray Bradbury reminds me….