It’s 4 am on a February morn.I’m awake.For one reason or another,bug eyed and I’m awake.More than likely because my 12 yr old dog is on medication due to Hematoses and he has to piddle at all hours.I went back to bed only to lie there with my eyes bugged wide open, the brain gearing up,my mind reflecting and imagining.
People from my past appeared in my dreams.Particularly an older woman whom I most admired and looked up to when I was dating her son.She was asking me about Burger Broads.How it was going.What do I plan to do next.Ha! That’s it!!.PLAN. I’ve taken somewhat of a break from the obsession for the past couple of months but still keeping it alive with fan page posts on FB and the occasional blog post or re-posted blog post.
For the past year and half I have been working towards this idea and now that I have taken it as far as it can go I know what has to be done.I know what the next step is and yet I am feeling stuck.I figured taking a break is a good thing.Go and be busy doing other things.Other things like writing this blog post and Anything else to clear the head and let the brain percolate while patiently waiting for the muse to strike me over the head.I await while keeping busy when one morning(hopefully soon) I will wake up in the middle of the night,rush to the computer and ALL will just pour out of me like milk and honey …..ahhh..Patience.I have it for everyone else but myself.Truth be told I am burnt out.I know I can do most of it by myself and I have done it but I don’t want to do it by myself any longer. I think I am also lollygagging right now because of the red tape/legal issues that will naturally and inevitably follow.
As much as I am taking a break from producing,directing,editing, writing,content curating for SM and the blog I have been researching/studying as to how to go about it all in a most “I mean business” manner. It’s daunting. I am the creative idea person.I’m the one that says “HEY, I have this great idea! How can WE make it happen?” and that’s the problem.There is no WE. only ME.Does it sound like i am whining?
Maybe I just need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it,however, I liken this process to doing my taxes. I don’t want to actually do them but i do like to oversee and know what’s going on.And that’s how I’ve always done my taxes. I know my strengths.I know my weaknesses and I know it’s impossible to know everything even though I try:) So,How long can I leave this baby of mine before returning to it? I suspect not long.In the next couple of weeks I will be hunkering down with or without inspiration.
I am so grateful for all the support,voluntary time and talent that people who have been a part of this project from its conception to inception that there is no dropping the ball. The Show must go on.
In other news: I did a Bell Fibe commercial.now airing (This is 1 of 3) It was the first audition of the year and i landed it even though i was down and out sicker than a sick dog. I went to Montreal for a weekend for filming (still sick with an unrelenting cough) and it was a good time with Production,crew and fellow cast mates. I flew in on a Friday,did the shoot on a Saturday and flew home on a snowblustery,hail and thunderfilled sky on Sunday all by way of Porter Airlines.
I am hoping it’s a good sign of more good things to come for the rest of the year:) Before I caught my plane back to YYZ I went to The Notre Dame Church that morning happening upon a Catholic mass en francais.
I had been to this Church once before about 10yrs ago with a friend and just being inside this artistic,history laden icon of a building made me cry. In fact, it was the first time I had ever stepped inside a Church.
It made me cry this second time around too.
This time I sat front row watching the theatrical pageantry in all its glory even though i didn’t understand a word they were saying.I watched and listened to the singer.I listened to the organ music filling up the church.I inhaled the aromatic incense floating to the ethers. I watched the robed deacons on the stage in the sanctuary perform their rituaIs. I watched the worshippers walk down the aisle, open their hands or their mouths with hands behind their back to collect and ingest their wafer while being blessed by the priest. I watched the Priest watch me discreetly without actually looking at me.I am sure he was curious as to why I was sitting front row not participating in the call and response and not getting up to take a wafer.I was actually nervous thinking i might get kicked out but i didn’t and I stayed because of my insatiable curiosity and that ‘knowing’ of I belong everywhere. When the mass was finished the Priest said hello (bonjour) to me.I said bonjour back and that was that.I have to say,being a Canadian and being in Montreal and not really knowing any French or rather, very limited French,the French that I had learned in high school and have forgotten is a little embarrassing considering I come from a French-Canadian background.
I have always been fascinated by churches because of the architecture,the art,the history,the mythology, the symbology and the overall sense of community that it can bring regardless of which religion it espouses.
All in all, weather and all, It was a lovely way to end my whirlwind weekend of a working trip:)